For this month’s CUNT I was intrigued by a new law that I heard come into place.  This new law involves giving fines to people who wait in their GADDAMNED Tim Horton’s drive-thru in the street.  OH you’ve got to be fucking kidding me, first of all I like to laugh at the mindless nine-to-five robots that are drug dependent on their shitty, watery, cigarette butt tasting redneck embraced coffee, but I love to pop forehead veins when the drive thru line spills out onto the public street.

MOVE YOUR FUCKING CAR CUNT!, go park in the parking lot, get your fat fucking bum-bum out of your comfort zone car and walk in the door.  HOLY FUCK.  Now this doesn’t happen where I currently live but I have seen it numerous times at a certain Tim Horton’s in downtown Fredericton.  Cunts and Douchebags make me angry kids!  I really really really want to see you get fined by waiting in the street because there’s no room in the parking lot at the end of the Timmy’s line.  I think where I live there’s 4 of them in a 300m radius.

“OO OO (monkey noises) look out everyone, gotta have my large triple triple so my breath will stink, and my teeth will yellow, and I’ll breathe my stinky gross coffee breath in my co-workers faces then have a caffeine induced diarrhea in the workplace toilet and spray brown splatter all over the toilet seat and back of the toilet bowl.”
YEAH, you guys know exactly what I’m talking about because it’s true.  Go and idle your engine for 15 minutes in the drive thru, then afterward throw your non-biodegrable cup out the window in the ditch ya fucking rednecks.

Now listen, it really doesn’t bother me THAT much that people drink their Tim Horton’s, but once assumed title of Cunt of the Month, I must rant regardless of my anger level.  And let us not forget the nucleus of the Cunt, not the coffee drinkers, but the fuckwads who extend the drive thru line out into the street… or the ones who take 2 minutes trying to make a left turn into Tim’s.  Now I may be a PRICK at times, with no filter who steals your alcohol and stinks up your bathroom, but I am not a pushy-in-public type douchebag.  AW GAWD their everywhere!  Push push, shove, mine, my kid is #1, we’re more important that you, i’m cutting in line, don’t give a fuck about the other 100 people here, I can park here and block traffic if i want, my truck ERRGGHH is bigger than your civic so i drive down the middle of the street, move! etc.  I have subtle courtesy, you probably would never notice but it’s there.

Bottom line, IF I WANTED A FUCKING TIM HORTON’S SHITTY GROSS COFFEE AND THE DRIVE THRU LINEUP WAS JUST ABOUT TO SPILL ONTO THE STREET I WOULD EITHER:

A: Park and walk in.
B: Go to the next tim horton’s 100 metres away
C: Go anywhere else
D: Tell tim horton’s to fuck off and go piss on a church.

And for all the reasons mentioned above, you fat lazy engine idling franchise-logo dependent pieces of shit who think you own the road and can just SIT there on the street truly are deserving of Feb. 09’s CUNT OF THE MONTH AND I HOPE YOU ALL GET FINED!!!

-L

Maybe it is the liquor or maybe it is the lack thereof, but as of yesterday I was convinced that Western Civlization was heading down the pooper.  In the cold and darkness that is Northern New Brunswick a little Acadian man heard me cursing very elegantly outside as my car would not start.  See it was minus 43 degrees here, I think I live on planet Hoth.  So a man I never met knocked on my door and offered to start my car, after some screwing about he did.  He told me how I looked like I was about to “put my fist through the window” (walking to class 6 times today in -43 makes you angry).  He shook my hand and told me if I ever need him come next door, and that we got to take care of our neighbours.

Suddenly I feel like humanity has redeemed itself.